Same Old Place, Same Old People

Have you ever look at a old photograph, or think of visiting a country u have visted before, and start to think about the sweet memories you once have, only to discover that u have missed them all so much? And perhaps, you might want to fly to that same old place, to do the same old thing, with the same old people. For me, I will never want to go back to same old place, to do the same old thing, and meet up with the same old people... Not because I don't miss them, but just that I don't want the sweet old memories to be spoilt. Places you have not been visiting for ages, might change their looks over the years; people you were once closed, might lost that feeling of touch with you after years of no contacts. To put in simple, you might have set up a perfect picture you have in that place, doing that thing, with that people there. But yet, when you replayed all these again, in another year, on another date, you discovered that the place is no longer the same, the thing you do is no longer enjoyable, and the feelings you have with the people is no longer there. You will bound to be dissapointed. For me, I choose to save those memories in my thoughts, in my heart. I might missed them all so much, but I won't try to find them back again. The thing I missed is the feeling at that point, at that time, at that place... But not now, at this point, at this time, at this place... Or perhaps, I cared too much of my own feelings...

ShawnTay - A thought after msn-ing with Kris...

An Outing

Yesterday's outing was fabulous.

Love the rain, that dripped into e pond,

Just like little bundles of new hopes.

Brother visited and passed me his old keys;

A car key indicating the start of adulthood.

Ah yes, he got his new car.

That session by the market was another classic,

With Chinese Palace theme,

And a new friend - Courtmaid Jamie made.

Lastly, they each got my signature on their hands,

For that game we played before dawn arrived.

I love my Friday night.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Dated back to Friday, 21/04/06, 1800 hours.

I lost my serenity today and my blood is full of insanity. I lust for the freedom in the outside world as no one cares. I’m not mad at anyone, or anything. Just pissed with the fact that why I landed up in this state now. Fine, I’m frustrated with myself.

I need sometimes, perhaps an hour or two, to balance up. To balance up the dreams I set for today, tomorrow, or perhaps the future. I don’t want to speak about the incidents in army; it might not be their faults. Perhaps, I’m just too annoyed with my own planning (duty clerk’s forecast) or that incident and ended myself up in this pathetic state. Staying around the evening to clear up the office, and have my half day eaten up. I should cried, but I didn’t, cause I even lost the momentum to drop my tears after that burst out at Carlton Hotel…

That day was a wretched plan. It was mum’s birthday celebration. I was bombarded. With listening, scolding, remarks, that I sheered my face, and shed my tears. It was a win – lose situation, with dad, mum, sis, bro, bro-in-law against me. Brother told me to shut up was the final straw, as if they are the planners of my future. I excused myself and cried heartily in the toilet. My face was reddened, my eyes were watery. I returned back to my seat, and gave them a nod. Yes, they raped me; I lost the virginity to control my future.

Desired of the sanity I used to have, I guess I would never have it back, anymore.

Staphylococcus, E.Coli, the bipolarity theory, the macromolecules’ components, and the new biophysics will all come into surface in months to come…

------------------------------------------------------------------

ShawnTay – With crystallized tears…

Uninterested Biologist

Dear Mr Tay,

Congratulations! The University Admission Selection Committee has approved your application for admission to Nanyang Technological University (NTU) to study in the following course in academic year 2006-07:

BIOLOGICAL SCIENCES

...

Yours sincerely,
Associate Professor Loh Nee Lam
Deaan of Admissions

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Parents are delighted, sister is happy. Who give a damn about what I said? Yeah, and it seems to be my fault if I choose not to study it now...

ShawnTay - Wonder how now?

NSF MENTALITY

Had a presentation to the Commanding Officer on Thurs Morning. I was defintely drowned in his pool of absurd ideas for that one hour and forty five minutes. He wanted me to present a Drugs and Criminal Offence kind of education talk to the batalion (approx. 500 ppl), in order to educate them and lessen the number of charged cases in the batalion. If he paid me a few thousands per month, or few hundreds per talk, perhaps I might do it... Or even giving a higher rank to do that might do some good, but defintely not with that three pieces of ikan billis on my arms. To add on, he threw me "The Yellow Ribbon" project, and wanted me to present it during the CO conference. Ppl who will be attending the conference are all captain rank and above... Obviously, I'm a national slave... -_-"

MINI OUTING

Mini outing that night with Kris, Hua, and Irene was relaxing thou. Yeah, we had touHua at Rochor, PI investigation at PlazaSing and Jur Mac, only to discover it's all nothing but our plain imagination(s). Even thou I get a little nag session from mum this morning for dirtying the car, the Sentosa Drive after the investigation was fun; except that if we can stay longer at the beach or climb that bridge, I think it will be better.

MY FAMILY

Sidetracked to last Sunday. Mum's BDae was celebrated at Carlton Hotel. The lunch was good, the environment was nice, just that it was a little too early for me to wake up on a lazy Sunday's mode. Lots of photo taken, some were uploaded. And I love my family like f**k. =)

Who's sister is willing to pay $100 for every kg of fat her brother drops?
My sister, with the intention of her brother's wellness.

Who's bro-in-law is willing to fetch his wife's bro for a cuppa late at night?
My bro-in-law, the mature young man who bought me burgers since Pri4.

Who's brother is willing to give his brother anything within his limits?
My brother, thou we still quarrelled at times.

Who's mum will drag her son for shopping while he is still asleep?
My mum, who asks me everything, from bags to shoes, even to my private life.

Who's dad is an officer in camp, but a driver at home?
My dad, who drives me anywhere, anytime, as requested.

And I love them all. =)

Mum with her tulips by bro and I. (Note: The packaging is done by us!!!)

Them. 33 years and still counting on...

Them. Again...

ThinKing of the food... And my bed.

He simply looks like Dad...

He loves feminine colours too... (purple, pink, etc...) Or is it my Mum? Haha

Good tea for a sunday morning...

Yumilicious Chicken cutlet.

Is HE oozing on other girl? Haha... Caught him in act... *evil grins*

BombShell

It was yet, another bomb.

GuoLiang, the burgie who's protecting Singapore at Taiwan right now, dropped me a line. He called and told me that he got in the second choice of his application. Material Engineering of NTU, direct 2nd year, scoring a GPA of 3.5. A mixture of feelings rushed into my brain. Happy for him, while disappointed for myself... Trust me, my "act-not-to-give-a-damn" looks is getting not so cool as days went by, as receiving more and more overjoyed news from dear ones (bombs)...

It began with Aloysius's friend who got in Accountancy, NTU with a GPA of 3.4something last fri... And, Darren got in business (my first choice) with 3.7 the day after... *I told myself is okay, I will be doing fine without entering...*

Next, it came together with Dawson's happy news that his sister told him that he's accepted by NTU, Biological Sciences (his 4th choice, my 2nd choice) with GPA 3.58, as well as jun's medic friend who got in Engineering at 3.4... *Trust me, I'm still doing fine, just a little grumble to jun here and there...*

Not until my burgie called... Friends reassured that results come out in batches... I will get it soon... Oh well, I just hope is not a rejection letter... =(

I want to get the bomb too.

ShawnTay - Perhaps my 3.608 is leading to no where...

MR CHIAMs

Mr Chiam Daw Xian (aka Dawson) is one of my closest friends in poly thou we never belong to the same clique.

Mr Chiam Daw Wei (aka Daniel) is one of my closest campmates in 4SIR, but he's leaving soon.

Mr Chiam Daw Xian and Daw Wei are both tall and slim guys.

To add on, they have the same fashion sense.

One year ago, Mr Chiam Daw Xian left Singapore for Taiwan, HengChun as instructed by SAF to be attached there.

A year later, Mr Chiam Daw Wei is leaving Singapore for Taiwan, HengChuan as instructed by SAF to be attached there too.

And now, Mr Chiam Daw Xian is coming home, to complete his NS service before ORD. And the person who is going to replace him is gonna be MR CHIAM DAW WEI.

Trust me, they aren't brother...

They knew one another through ShawnTay.

I guess people with the surename CHIAM is one in a thousand...

And I managed to know two with the same fate and characters.

ShawnTay - Dumbfounded.

MooD SwinG

Remembering those YEP days whereby joyjoy got sad, I will "bring" her to the playground to play her "mood swing", while I have fun with the see saw... Time flies, and yet, the idea of meeting her up is always words without actions... To add on, I'm feeling real blue for the week, esp today, that perhaps having a great time at the playround might do me some good...

泪水就像断的线的珍珠一样从我的眼中落下。。。

I used to have dreams. Dreamt about being a reporter or a doctor since my secondary years, only to discover that I can't achieved either of them after I failed my English paper during the 'O's... The five distinctions I got doesn't seems to help... I can't do JC, esp the killer GP... So to get at least something close to my dreams, choosing the Biotechnology course in NP followed by studies in Aussie seems to be a good alternative... I did my poly tour, and proud of it till now... But the three years in poly changed my mindset completely... I don't need a degree in Biological Science. I want a business. I want more money then a basic pay. I need recognition instead of publishing my name in journals.

So I thought studying Business in a local uni seems to be a good choice. On one hand, I can make my parents feel happier with a paper in three years time, for the decision I made to give up biology. On the other hand, I would have the basic foundation to start my own business and have the time during my undergrad years, to learn more about coffee, desserts, and cafes.

The tragic thing is... I haven't received the letter from the local uni, while most of my friends with good grades got in... A buddy of mine scored few points lower then me, yet he got in, and I didn't... And it was his fourth choice...

So I went back to my parents, and asked them for permission to let me go overseas to study business, only to get a response saying that, "Yes, I can, provided I take up Biological Sciences again." I said, "I would I like to, but I don't think is worthwhile, since I know in the future, I won't hop onto a science career..." And their response is... no no no... Then I suggested taking a part time degree, only to get more negative responses from them that they are so dissappointed that their son can't get into a normal university...

I'm dumbfounded, I'm lost. Wonder where my future lies? And to add more negatives thoughts into it, I'm ORDing soon... *Sigh*

ShawnTay - Pondering real hard... Some people are too indecisive to think about their future, some people are too lazy to plan it... I decided and planned it out, but, I have my restrictions...

Sorry, my POSB Savings Account

Dearest account,

I plead guilty for making u go empty before the the end of the month, again. You've been a great accompany to me since I was a young kid... Still remembering those days when you had hundreds or even thousands in your stomach, you were so happy and delighted... I wondered why things turned to be so different now... Bro, I really missed the old you...

And I, being bastard, keep pressing you for money through the ATM machine nowadays, and keep operating your stomach to transfer money to your fellow account - mates... It truefully hurts in my heart... From a big fat account, you grew old over the years, and shedded quite alot of weight...

I PROMISED, I promised that I will treat you better next month... No more operating your stomach to answer other ppl' needs... They gotta find their own way to let their accounts to survive right? I also agreed to treat ur fellow brother (UOB) and sister (OCBC) well next month... But at least, they are better then you this month.

Love you always...

Regards,

ShawnTay

Fallen Love

A relationship without love factor inside is just an empty shell;
I thank you for breaking up with him.

He deserved a better girl.

ShawnTay

Songs

They said song tells a person's mood.
I prefer happy and fast songs over the sad ones now...

A good sign?
Hope so.

ShawnTay