An Outing
Yesterday's outing was fabulous.
Love the rain, that dripped into e pond,
Just like little bundles of new hopes.
Brother visited and passed me his old keys;
A car key indicating the start of adulthood.
Ah yes, he got his new car.
That session by the market was another classic,
With Chinese Palace theme,
And a new friend - Courtmaid Jamie made.
Lastly, they each got my signature on their hands,
For that game we played before dawn arrived.
I love my Friday night.
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Dated back to Friday, 21/04/06, 1800 hours.
I lost my serenity today and my blood is full of insanity. I lust for the freedom in the outside world as no one cares. I’m not mad at anyone, or anything. Just pissed with the fact that why I landed up in this state now. Fine, I’m frustrated with myself.
I need sometimes, perhaps an hour or two, to balance up. To balance up the dreams I set for today, tomorrow, or perhaps the future. I don’t want to speak about the incidents in army; it might not be their faults. Perhaps, I’m just too annoyed with my own planning (duty clerk’s forecast) or that incident and ended myself up in this pathetic state. Staying around the evening to clear up the office, and have my half day eaten up. I should cried, but I didn’t, cause I even lost the momentum to drop my tears after that burst out at Carlton Hotel…
That day was a wretched plan. It was mum’s birthday celebration. I was bombarded. With listening, scolding, remarks, that I sheered my face, and shed my tears. It was a win – lose situation, with dad, mum, sis, bro, bro-in-law against me. Brother told me to shut up was the final straw, as if they are the planners of my future. I excused myself and cried heartily in the toilet. My face was reddened, my eyes were watery. I returned back to my seat, and gave them a nod. Yes, they raped me; I lost the virginity to control my future.
Desired of the sanity I used to have, I guess I would never have it back, anymore.
Staphylococcus, E.Coli, the bipolarity theory, the macromolecules’ components, and the new biophysics will all come into surface in months to come…
I need sometimes, perhaps an hour or two, to balance up. To balance up the dreams I set for today, tomorrow, or perhaps the future. I don’t want to speak about the incidents in army; it might not be their faults. Perhaps, I’m just too annoyed with my own planning (duty clerk’s forecast) or that incident and ended myself up in this pathetic state. Staying around the evening to clear up the office, and have my half day eaten up. I should cried, but I didn’t, cause I even lost the momentum to drop my tears after that burst out at Carlton Hotel…
That day was a wretched plan. It was mum’s birthday celebration. I was bombarded. With listening, scolding, remarks, that I sheered my face, and shed my tears. It was a win – lose situation, with dad, mum, sis, bro, bro-in-law against me. Brother told me to shut up was the final straw, as if they are the planners of my future. I excused myself and cried heartily in the toilet. My face was reddened, my eyes were watery. I returned back to my seat, and gave them a nod. Yes, they raped me; I lost the virginity to control my future.
Desired of the sanity I used to have, I guess I would never have it back, anymore.
Staphylococcus, E.Coli, the bipolarity theory, the macromolecules’ components, and the new biophysics will all come into surface in months to come…
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ShawnTay – With crystallized tears…
posted by Sean @ 5:19 PM
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