I cried, cause I'm happy for you

I promise myself,
And probably u,
Is a last entry about you.

A big blow to end this tiring day.
A sense of relaxation with an aching heart.
I did burst out when on phone with butt,
But deep inside my heart,
I'm sincerely happy for you.

I dunno myself either,
Why am I so madly in love with you.
Still remembering the first time I saw you...
At Block 34, wearing AMKSS uniform during NP openhouse,
The princessly image became an affection,
An affection that is haunting me thru my poly life and NS life.
Not forgetting those fond memories we once had...

But as what u said,
Is past tense. Is ending. Or rather ended. I know that.
I felt the difference too after reading some of my previous entries.
I'm ending on my side too, thou is two years late.
But at least, Butt and Jun felt the differences too.

So, actually part of me have expected today to come.
I have had myself mentally prepared,
But just that. Just that.
My response was different from what I thought.
I'm not strong afterall.

I plead for a few more weeks. Or months.
For me to discover the real one in uni,
So that I can forget you thoroughly.
Part of man's pride i suppose.
On contrary,

I guess I will never find the one with the presence of you.
*Laughs*

This two years,
I led a very contradicting life.
Eagerly looking forward to all the poly outings,
So I can see you again.
But usually it ended with you not coming,
Or the fact that I'm thinking of you as the outing ended.

I felt like a pester at times too,
Invading your life,
And disturbing you for loving you so.
I felt like a bastard. Definitely a loser.

I guess u know it too...
Thru some of the blog entries I wrote,
Which expected some responses from u,
But you choose not to make any.
I thank you for not making any responses,
And not giving me any false hopes in any ways.

Or maybe u dunno that,
I wrote this blog mainly for you.
A psychological way of updating u bout my life thou,
And how you are not forgotten.
Some entries that I have written,
But chose not to publish them,
Coz I thought is not the wrong thing to do.
Hence, they are stored in my pvt entries.

Finally, I'm putting down a five years old stone from heart.
Love, like a river,

Will cut a new path whenever it meets an obstacle.
I guess my river has dried up.
I'm looking for my own angel to fill the river with the water again.

I wish you luck in your new relationship.
You don't have a easy time in love too.
At last, you found him. =)
Love, an emotion so strong that you would give up everything.
To just feel it once, to know that you are part of something special.
To know that you can feel what love really is; to know, to feel, to love.
I congrats u for having that.
Wholeheartedly from my heart.

To you, Catherine (BaoLian).

ShawnTay - With all the love I had for you, I make them into blessings for u and him. Love is knowing you are the bud from which his happiness blossoms.