I am just not happy!
I have no intentions of making this blog a sadist's blog with tonnes and tonnes of rants and angers. But it seems like I'm just simply not too happy. I am bothered with friends, work, stress - everything.
I don't blamed the buddies for not seeing the difference in me nor sensing my problem and talk to me. They are never the sensitive sorts. But wanting them just for a accompany for a friday night seems more difficult then scoring 100 for a paper. I felt more like their toy at times, instead of a real brother to anyone of them.
Now I wondered, why always I must be the initiative one, the give-in one, the for-their-sakes one when I am just a normal homosapien with my own anger. I chose to take a cab down to Jurong Point for a dinner with them even though I'm damn tired, only to see them late, one by one. I chose be the one paying the cashier using all the small coins they gave, not because I'm faceless, just becoz since they mind, I might as well do it. I chose to give them the opportunities to give in their ideas, as I thought that I always wanted my way, only to discover we are walking round and round the bustling and busy Orchard road for two hours just for a dinner.
To add on, I got a feeling that some of the guys in my workplace don't like me, but I chose to think otherwise. Or perhaps, I'm really too sensitive these days, and started to imagine. Nowadays, I kept hearing ppl badmouthing behind me in the office, in my presence. I don't know why I got such thoughts, but I just get to be a little bit over-imaginative when I sit in the office, somewhere, alone.
I felt so unwanted that I decided to widen social cirle only to discover I'm just a bastard, an actor, a swindle, a bitch, wateva u put it. I'm just not happy.
ShawnTay - Am I dying? Suffering from manic depression?
I don't blamed the buddies for not seeing the difference in me nor sensing my problem and talk to me. They are never the sensitive sorts. But wanting them just for a accompany for a friday night seems more difficult then scoring 100 for a paper. I felt more like their toy at times, instead of a real brother to anyone of them.
Now I wondered, why always I must be the initiative one, the give-in one, the for-their-sakes one when I am just a normal homosapien with my own anger. I chose to take a cab down to Jurong Point for a dinner with them even though I'm damn tired, only to see them late, one by one. I chose be the one paying the cashier using all the small coins they gave, not because I'm faceless, just becoz since they mind, I might as well do it. I chose to give them the opportunities to give in their ideas, as I thought that I always wanted my way, only to discover we are walking round and round the bustling and busy Orchard road for two hours just for a dinner.
To add on, I got a feeling that some of the guys in my workplace don't like me, but I chose to think otherwise. Or perhaps, I'm really too sensitive these days, and started to imagine. Nowadays, I kept hearing ppl badmouthing behind me in the office, in my presence. I don't know why I got such thoughts, but I just get to be a little bit over-imaginative when I sit in the office, somewhere, alone.
I felt so unwanted that I decided to widen social cirle only to discover I'm just a bastard, an actor, a swindle, a bitch, wateva u put it. I'm just not happy.
ShawnTay - Am I dying? Suffering from manic depression?
posted by Sean @ 11:50 PM
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